Once Within a Lowly Stable

And on that day, Joseph did bring Mary forth on a donkey.

It was hard to get that donkey to go towards Bethlehem . . .

. . . even when Joseph tried to bribe it with treats.

Even when Joseph commanded the donkey to repent.

Eventually Joseph and Mary did come forth unto an inn, but Lo!  There was no vacancy!

The innkeeper suggested they go unto the stable.

So they did.

Mary was exceedingly brave to ride sidesaddle on a donkey for so long.

Joseph shooed the livestock away.

Meanwhile, there were shepherds in the same country, abiding in the fields and saying, “Hey look!  Real sheep!”

There were also babes in sheep’s clothing.

Who were cute despite being false sheep.

An angel of the Lord did come down, and said “Fear not!” but it was rather fearful anyway and the shepherds did quake.

Meanwhile, the babe was born in the stable, and Mary smiled despite how shivery cold it was.

Then the shepherds did sidle on over, and Lo! did everyone smile forth for the camera.

Merry Christmas, One and All!

 

Nutcracked

Last Saturday my generous mother-in-law took me, Eleanor, and Jeffrey to see Ballet West’s production of The Nutcracker.  It was brilliant stuff.  Great dancing, and I was most impressed to see a full smoke ring come out of the cannon during the fight with the Mouse King.

Afterwards, there was a “Sugar Plum Fairy” where the kids got to go onstage to meet the performers (Eleanor was way to shy to say anything), have cookies, watch a magician, and — best of all for Jeff — ask the propsmaster all the questions he wanted.  Jeff’s enthusiasm must have charmed him, because he let Jeff hold the Nutcracker’s sword, and also try on the big Nutcracker head.

“What was your favorite part?” he asked Jeff.

“Oh, when the cannon went off!” Jeff replied.

Mr. Propsmaster smiled widely.  “Yeah, wasn’t that great!  The smoke ring went all the way across the stage!”

Playing “Nutcracker” is now one of the standard activities around here.  On Wednesday, the kids even put on costumes and asked if I would film them doing dances.  I was more than happy to oblige — and now you can enjoy it, too!  It’s five minutes of holiday cheer I’m sure you’ll enjoy.

And EVEN MORE Saints and Angels Sing

In my family, this is when Christmas really begins:

This is our ward Primary’s nativity pageant.  This year featured a very nervous Angel Gabriel:

A cow with sideways horns (my mom said, “Hey, there could have been a unicorn in the stable, right?”):

Three kings who couldn’t stop smirking:

Best of all, there was an adorable singing angel Eleanor:

A happy shepherd Jeffrey (he’s to the right of the kid with glasses):

And a sweet star William.

During the performance, poor William was stuck in the glare of the spotlight, so he looked like this:

Don’t nobody scowl like Wimmy.  But he was cheered up afterwards with one of these beautiful angel cookies:

Trust me, they tasted as good as they look.  They were made by a lady somewhere on the other side of town who bakes and sells custom sugar cookies out of her home.  SO IMPRESSIVE.  Brian and I bit the wings off first, to make them “ecclesiastically correct” angels.  Eleanor said she liked them because “they look just like me!”  You be the judge:

Best of all, all of the grandparents were there to watch.  Shoulder rides from grandpas are very important, especially if you’ve worked hard at memorizing the words to “The First Noel.”

Electric Fug

Today is the day Brian turns 35 years old.

35 is the Ugly Lamp Birthday.  What, you didn’t know?

To celebrate, I hosted an Ugly Lamp competition, and friends and family submitted various unsightly entries.  Lamps could be “Born Ugly” or “Made Ugly.”  Here are the competitors — and I’d like you to vote on your favorite in the comments below!  Which is the ugliest?  YOU DECIDE.

THE SPIRAL THINGY: made out of a washing machine agitator.  Found at DI by Brian’s parents.

THE SPINNING FORTRESS: constructed out of Lego by James, Laura, and their children.  The cube not only lights up, but spins!!

THE GOLFER: brought by Justin & AnnaJune.  Susan, who used to be a Hallmark store employee, said it reminded her of the kind of thing she used to sell.

THE END OF INNOCENCE: decorated by Chris & Susan, featuring a feather boa, plastic ninjas and army guys, glitter pom poms, and pieces of a “High School Musical” jigsaw puzzle.  (They also named it “The End of Innocence.”)

THE APPLEGUTS: A column of “apple guts” — the side product of making apple cider — with an upside-down light-up Harry Potter wand inside.  (Shudder.)  Made by Brandon and Kellie.

THE SPIDER’S PRISON: Pat & Deb found this at DI.  There is a spider trapped inside the glass with those freaky silk flowers!

THE COLONEL SANDERS: Made by my mom and dad.  I think it’s appropriately dreamlike.

THE WATSON & CRICK: an ugly lamp tribute to DNA.  See the double helix hanging off the side?  And the bottom rim is decorated with “actg” stickers.  Made by Amy & John’s family.

THE SUBTLE KNIFE: My 16 year old brother Alex made this one.  The light bulb behind it flickered.

Those were the highlights (no pun intended).  Brian and William made awards together and handed them out (I think the Appleguts won the “Most Likely to be Rejected by DI” award).  In the meanwhile, everyone enjoyed a big pile of pizza and spinach salad.

Plus cupcakes for the children!

And now, of course . . . .

~~CAKE COMMENTARY~~

This is the Marbled Velvet Cake from Rose’s Heavenly Cakes.  With a ganache glaze on top.  It was humble-looking but very tasty.

Happy #35, Brian!  (xxxoo)

Dem Bones

Brian’s mother gave him the best birthday present — a family membership to the new Natural History Museum of Utah.  As such, we were able to go to a sneak preview open house on Thursday night.

Squee!  I LOVE natural history museums, and this one’s a beaut.  Check out the Big Display Case of Random Things:

This would be so perfect for a game of I-Spy.  Eleanor and I even had a few quick rounds before heading off to explore.

There are scads of hands-on exhibits for kids (and grown ups) to try.  This room will house an insect and amphibian zoo dedicated to Utah wildlife:

Big chunks of fossils from the Green River dig site — underneath a glass floor!

The Paleolab was open, with scientists on hand to show us the finer features of the Diabloceratops.

Over in the corner (behind the guy in the orange shirt) is another fossil, that of the Cosmoceratops, which was just discovered and named this summer.  It had SIXTEEN HORNS ON ITS HEAD.  Just think of the hat possibilities.

Speaking of which, Brian and I were especially taken with this wall describing ceratops‘ relationships:

And, of course, many more dinosarus from the Cleveland-Lloyd Dinosaur Quarry.  I loved the emphasis on paleontology and other sciences specific to Utah.

BUT the spiffiest bit was being allowed to walk back into the storage vaults and labs.  These will be closed to the public once the museum officially opens.

I peeked around, but couldn’t find the Ark of the Covenant or the Holy Grail.  Sorry, Indiana.

But we saw the Archaeology Lab . . .

. . . the dry bio lab (where they taxidermify small rodents!  I know I shouldn’t be squeamish, but ew! my kids asked if they could touch them!  And then they did!) . . . .

. . . the entomology vault, which houses many insect collections like this . . .

. . . aaaaaaand herpetology, with its shelves and shelves of creepy preserved specimens.

Including, of course, Jar o’ Snakes.  Gotta have a Jar o’ Snakes.

The biologist standing next to the Jar o’ Snakes explained that the museum used to have a herpetologist on staff, but now he’s retired and, as she put it, “getting crankier every year.”

The Cranky Herpetologist?  Somebody needs to write a book with that title.  Chop, chop, people.

What’s most disappointing with the museum is that after visiting the herpetology room, I didn’t take any more pictures!  Not the squishy floor describing the Great Salt Lake!  Not the really turn-crank exhibit demonstrating how basin-and-range geology works!  Not the water play tables or dig sites!  Not the Ancestral Puebloan weaving, or the Native Voices exhibit, or the life science floor!

Well, I guess I’ll just have to go back then, won’t I?

Whetstone

A few days ago I caught William in the kitchen with a big rock in one hand and a butter knife in the other.

“I’m going to sharpen this knife on the stone,” he explained.

Well, no dice, kiddo.  I told him he needs a special kind of stone to sharpen knives.  The one he found in the backyard would just scratch the butter knife up.

“Well, I could just pretend to sharpen it.”

Sorry again — I didn’t want him to carry the knife off and lose it (it’s a dull knife, but he would lose it, trust me).

I suggested he find a toy knife or sword and pretend to sharpen it.  He reluctantly agreed and shuffled off to his room.

Later, he came back into the kitchen with an even larger rock (“I washed it with soap in the bathroom, Mom”) and a big plastic toy lightsaber.  He then put the rock on the kitchen table and did this:

He waved the lightsaber in the air above the rock, without touching it.  (That’s the rock there on the table.  It looks like a potato, but it’s a rock.)

Shouldn’t you slide the rock back and forth along the blade? I asked.

“No, Mom,” explained William.  “It’s a lightsaber.  Lightsabers would just go right through the rock!”

Well, why didn’t I think of that?

“Let’s Make Rachmaninoff Go Crazy!”

I’ve found that lately the best motivation to get Eleanor to practice her recital pieces is to let her play with the plastic busts of Beethoven and Rachmaninoff that I found at the thrift store.

If she plays her little arrangements of “Sonata Pathetique” or “Vocalise” a few times, the statues come down and give her kisses.  If she practices more, Eleanor gets to scratch the composers on the head and I make them moan with pleasure.  When she practices very well, then Beeth & Rach “go crazy” — I make them dance across the keyboard, up and down Eleanor’s arms and around her head while making Daffy Duck-style whoops. Eleanor loves it.  And we play it again.

Disrespectful, you say?  Maybe, but I think Sergei and Ludwig would be DARN HAPPY to know that little girls of the 21st century are still learning and playing their music, and to heck with what happens to a little plastic statue.

All the hard work paid off yesterday at her recital.  Our main focus in the past week was to get Eleanor to keep playing to the end, regardless of whether she freezes or makes a mistake or whatever.  For those of you who don’t play an instrument, please understand that this is very difficult to do.  A lot of adults can’t help stopping to correct themselves.  Learning to ignore errors and keep going is a skill of supreme confidence that usually only comes with the self-flagellation that is repeat public performances.

Eleanor is standing with her piano teacher, Kim

Anyway, the strategy was successful — in her performance, Eleanor totally froze during her solo piece, BUT after an excruciatingly long pause, she eventually pulled herself together enough to come to some kind of finish.  Whew!

The second piece she played was a duet that I performed with her.  Did she make mistakes?  Yes, but you can’t tell — she just skipped over them and kept going.  Yay!

You want to see it?  It’s only 3 1/2 minutes long:

Katie Loves the Quilt

It’s finally finished!

I began this quilt almost exactly one year ago — a baby quilt for Katie.  I remember spending most of last year’s LDS general conference piecing together the patchwork blocks.  Then, a week later, my quilting book fell behind the dryer.  (AKA the Impregnable Black Hole of the household.  Go ahead, drop something not-too-necessary behind yours.  See how long it takes you to fish it out.)

So my patchworks blocks may have languished in limbo, if not for my sister, who kidnapped them and gave then some lovely sashing and borders:

This picture is from her blog, The Stevie Times.  Doesn’t Liz have an excellent eye for color?  I, uh, don’t, as evidenced by the funky orange triangles.  Next time I quilt, it will be from a kit.  The fabric she used for the tiny corner squares came from a dress my mom made for me when I was eight.  It was my favorite favorite as a little girl so it was fun to see it again.

Anyway, the top was then sent to a semi-professional quilter my mother knows, who layered and quilted little pink daisies all over it.  Then my mother made the binding.  I think it’s great that all three of us — me, my mom, and my sister — worked collaboratively on this project.

Hmm.  I just noticed that my mom and I aren’t looking at the camera.  That’s the mother-daughter bond for you.

Bardland

Once again, Jeffrey’s History Face is on full display:

Last week we hit the Utah Shakespeare Festival.  Brian’s parents were along for the ride, and generously entertained little ones while big kids and grownups went to see plays.

A Midsummer Night’s Dream went over well, even if we did have to change venues during intermission owing to a rainstorm.  I had prepped the kids with the picture-book version of the story, and Jeff even polished off the Magic Tree House chapter-book version.

Jeff kept guffawing — guffawing, I say! — during any kind of comic moment in the play, regardless of what other audience members were doing.  It was kind of charming.

Puck has now entered into Jeff’s regular fantasy play, although he keeps forgetting his name.

“Mom, what is the name of that guy who says “How now spirit, whither wander you?”

You can’t blame him for latching onto what, for an 8-year-old boy, is admittedly the most dynamic character.  And in the production we saw, Puck ran around in furry shorts, sans shirt.  Kind of the ideal job for most 8-year-olds I know.

Eleanor had a different experience.  She was interested in the play, but her body was too small to keep the fold-down seats in the theater from flipping up.  So she was rather wiggly during both Midsummer and The Music Man.

For the record, Jeffrey was kind of baffled by The Music Man.  “Who was the bad guy in that play?!?  I think it was the mayor, because he was always trying to stop the band.”

But what may have really captured the children’s imaginations was the gift shop.  Eleanor insisted on multiple portraits with silly hats:

Even Jeffrey got in on the action with this one.

Heavens to the Bard, but that boy is skinny.  You’ll notice, however, how his eyes are pointed elsewhere.  That’s because of all the items available for purchase at the festival gift shop, the #1 thing Jeffrey wanted was one of the for-display-only Ren Faire-ish metal swords hanging on a rack behind the sales counter.

Oh, the swords.  There were swords in Midsummer, although there was no fight scene, but it mattered not.  Jeffrey wanted to know all about how actors use swords.

It was his favorite question during the Backstage Tour, which we took the morning after Midsummer.

“Any questions?” asked our guide, who bore a striking resemblance to Orlando Bloom.

“Where do the actors make their swords?” cried Jeffrey.

The guide replied that the swords were purchased from a props house.  But ten minutes later . . .

“Any questions?”

“Where do the actors make their swords?”

I had to grab Jeff’s arm to shush him during the other Q&A sessions.  Instead, he whispered his question in my ear: “Wheeere do the actors make their swooooords?

Luckily, my mother-in-law made the generous offer to take Jeffrey to the props seminar later that week, during which Jeff could learn all about the swords, shields, helmets, et. al. to his heart’s content. She also bought him a book about stage combat, which Jeffrey now insists be part of his daily routine.

ME: Jeffrey, you can’t watch T.V.  You haven’t made your bed or finished your reading.

JEFF: And I haven’t practiced my stage combat, either!

He was upset when we left for home (“I didn’t get to say goodbye to the Globe Theater!” he cried) and is already asking if we can come back next year.  (We’ll see.  Next year’s plays are The Merry Wives of Windsor and Titus Andronicus.  Eeesh.)

Now that we’re back home, the children are in the habit of putting on “plays” of their own.  Brian and I were treated to an epic Western called “Eleanor the Sheriff,” which was accompanied by Jeffrey singing about whatever was happening “on stage.”

More recently, Jeff & Ella have said that they are going to put on a “love play” where “everybody dies at the end.”  I sweareth it true, I fain have read Romeo & Juliet to these bodkins.  Really.

Boy Heaven

Jeff spent the past two days at Cub Scout Day Camp.  It was his first time there, and it sounds like it was loads of fun.

Well, that’s what I assume.  Whenever I try to get him to tell me about it, he just describes the store.

Apparently, Cub Scout camps have stores.  Wonderful, wonderful stores full of all the little things boys love.

Which is why Jeff came home from his first day with a bullwhip.

That’s right, a bullwhip.  A bargain at only $2!  Jeffrey was sad that he couldn’t afford the rubber band guns or pocketknives. He then said that he’d like to wear his thick snow coat to camp the next day “so it won’t hurt as much when the BBs hit me.”

BB guns?!?  What are they DOING at this camp?

Everybody wanted to try out the whip, so the rules were: go outside, and make sure nobody else is around, so as not to accidentally flick anybody.

Well.

Within minutes, Eleanor accidentally flicked William in the face.  She honestly didn’t mean to — she had finished whipping around (or whatever you call it) and was walking back inside with Wimmy, dancing a bit and swinging the whip from side to side . . . well, you can guess what happened.

Eleanor was MORTIFIED that she hurt her brother.  While William came crying to me, she ran into her room, buried herself under the covers of her bed, and stayed there, silently crying until I came to coax her out.

Yesterday Eleanor made a sign for the backyard door:

“No Whipping People.”  Good advice, that.  In addition to the whip is an image of William saying “aaaaaaaa!”

You can just imagine how THRILLED I was when Jeff came home yesterday with a plastic sword.

It’s a darn cool sword, I will admit.  It’s shaped like a rapier, and has a big fake ruby on the hilt.  But we’ve had so many fights over it that the sword is now in Permanent Time-Out.

Oh, it could be worse.  The boys down the street came home from Cub Scout Camp with hand buzzers and fake gum.