Month: June 2011

Boy Heaven

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Jeff spent the past two days at Cub Scout Day Camp.  It was his first time there, and it sounds like it was loads of fun.

Well, that’s what I assume.  Whenever I try to get him to tell me about it, he just describes the store.

Apparently, Cub Scout camps have stores.  Wonderful, wonderful stores full of all the little things boys love.

Which is why Jeff came home from his first day with a bullwhip.

That’s right, a bullwhip.  A bargain at only $2!  Jeffrey was sad that he couldn’t afford the rubber band guns or pocketknives. He then said that he’d like to wear his thick snow coat to camp the next day “so it won’t hurt as much when the BBs hit me.”

BB guns?!?  What are they DOING at this camp?

Everybody wanted to try out the whip, so the rules were: go outside, and make sure nobody else is around, so as not to accidentally flick anybody.

Well.

Within minutes, Eleanor accidentally flicked William in the face.  She honestly didn’t mean to — she had finished whipping around (or whatever you call it) and was walking back inside with Wimmy, dancing a bit and swinging the whip from side to side . . . well, you can guess what happened.

Eleanor was MORTIFIED that she hurt her brother.  While William came crying to me, she ran into her room, buried herself under the covers of her bed, and stayed there, silently crying until I came to coax her out.

Yesterday Eleanor made a sign for the backyard door:

“No Whipping People.”  Good advice, that.  In addition to the whip is an image of William saying “aaaaaaaa!”

You can just imagine how THRILLED I was when Jeff came home yesterday with a plastic sword.

It’s a darn cool sword, I will admit.  It’s shaped like a rapier, and has a big fake ruby on the hilt.  But we’ve had so many fights over it that the sword is now in Permanent Time-Out.

Oh, it could be worse.  The boys down the street came home from Cub Scout Camp with hand buzzers and fake gum.

 

4th (Somewhat) Annual Backyard Circus!

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Yup, backyard circus.  If you’re new around these parts, here’s the concept: kids put on adapted circus routines in my backyard.  Doting adults applaud and cheer.  A hot dog roast is also involved, and at the end, everyone eats ice cream.

Brian and I began hosting these on a somewhat annual basis back when we lived in Pittsburgh.  The previous circus was held in 2009, you can read about it here.  Last summer I was too sick/exhausted with early pregnancy to organize one, and my kids were really disappointed.  This year I decided to make amends.

Which means I cleaned off the back porch.  This was a serious undertaking of heroic proportions.  But it was worth it!  The kids came up with such clever ideas for their acts!  Here’s a sampling:

In this group is a Human Pyramid, a tightrope walker, a comedian and her straight man (Eleanor was the straight man), a bareback horse rider (with the pink parasol), and a MIME. There was also a lion tamer, an archer, a puppet show, and a really magnificent ten-year-old ringmaster.  Everyone was great!

Eleanor was a juggler, who spun rings on her arms while standing on a balance board . . . with a CAKE ON HER HEAD!

William was a sword swallower, using those plastic telescoping lightsabers.  It was darn adorable, especially when he referred to himself as a “sword sucker.”  When the act began, my friend Justin yelled from the back row, “No, Luke!  It’s not worth it!”

Annnnnd Jeffrey.  He had the most unusual performance of all.  During the week leading up to the circus, he kept coming up with outlandish, impractical ideas for his act.  He wanted to build a boat in the backyard.  He wanted to bounce off a trampoline and smash his (helmeted) head into a wall.    He would accept no substitutes.

So he was kind of bummed when we informed him that none of these ideas were going to work.  After a lot of brainstorming, he finally came up with something that could:

He had a duel against a kitchen chair . . . using a rubber chicken.

Obviously, this was inspired by The Great Gonzo from The Muppet Show.  The bad thing is that this picture really doesn’t capture the ferocity with which Jeff attacked the tuna salad out of that chair.  The other bad thing is that Jeff was originally going to wear a Roman centurion helmet as part of his costume, but it got too hot so he took it off.

Oh, yes — one more thing: this was also an unofficial birthday celebration for me.  34 years!  Whoa!  My sweet in-laws brought this yummy ice cream cake. This was an excellent choice, as my love for Baskin-Robbins’ whipped cream frosting knows no bounds:

Plus they also brought clown cones for the children.  (They are amazing in-laws, no?)  This caused a Nostalgia Moment for many of the parents in attendance:

The kids are already begging for next year’s show.  It’s definitely on — maybe next year I’ll finally convince one of my children to be a snake charmer.  (What?  They’re cool!)

Road Tested Recipes: Chocolate Cupcakes

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My friend Angry Baker wants to find the best chocolate cupcake recipe in the world.  That’s a darn noble endeavor.  Here’s my contribution.  This recipe was published years ago in Everyday Food magazine.  I make it all the time for parties, and people always ask for the recipe.  That’s known as Good Sign #1.

Good Sign #2 is that this is the only cake I’ve ever seen little kids eat.  Usually they just lick off the frosting and run away.

Good Sign #3 is that this recipe has just as much cocoa powder as there is flour.

You’re on your own with the frosting.  Just promise me you won’t use anything that comes from a can.  Swear it!  Swear upon the King Arthur Flour catalog!

Chocolate Cupcakes
Makes 12 cupcakes.

3/4 cup unsalted butter, room temperature
3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
3/4 flour
1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. salt
1 cup sugar
3 large eggs
1 tsp. vanilla extract
1/2 cup sour cream

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Line a 12-cup standard muffin tin with cupcake liners and coat with nonstick baking spray.

In a bowl, sift together flour, cocoa, powder, and salt; set aside.  In a mixing bowl, cream together butter and sugar until light and fluffy.  Add eggs one at a time, then beat in vanilla.  With mixer on a low speed, add flour mixture in two batches, alternating with sour cream and beginning and ending with the flour.

Spoon batter into cupcake pan, filling each cup about 3/4 full.  Bake until it comes out clean 20-25 minutes (my oven runs cold, so I always need to bake it longer.  Use your judgment).  Cool in pan 5 minutes before removing to a rack.

Take THAT, L.M. Montgomery!

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Hey, do you remember the part of Anne of Green Gables about the ice cream social?

Of course you do — it’s the one where Anne is excited to make a “bosom friend,” but almost doesn’t go because Marilla Cuthbert thinks Anne has lost her treasured amethyst brooch?  DON’T YOU REMEMBER?!??

Well, anyway, as fabulous as that ice cream social was, it couldn’t possibly compare to THIS:

That’s right.  You’re looking at two-dozen kinds of ice cream.  HOMEMADE ice cream.  This is a tradition in my neighborhood.  It was particularly fabulous this year, even if it made me late for my children’s literature discussion group (AGAIN).

Brian and I take our ice cream making seriously.  In the past, we’ve contributed flavors like Almond Fudge Ripple, Ginger Spice, and Mango Jalapeno.

This year, Brian contributed one we’ve made many times, Kill the Mint Cookie:

We rip up the (very invasive) fresh mint from our garden and steep it in the cream for the flavor.  Then we add crumbled chocolate cookies to the finished product.

My flavor this year was Blueberry Cheesecake.  I think it’s one of the best I’ve ever made.

The recipe is from Ann Hodgman’s excellent cookbook Beat This! only quintupled (yes, this meant we separated 30 egg yolks).  When we poured the finished product into a plastic tub for storage, we mixed in chopped up chunks of frozen cheesecake.  This was done mainly because we didn’t think people would eat 5 quarts of plain blueberry ice cream, but would easily down anything cheesecake-oriented.  Turns out we were right.

I ate about 2,348,549 spoonfuls of many different flavors.  My favorite was the Lavender Honey.  Many good wishes upon the creator of that delight, O Universe.

And in case you don’t like ice cream, did I mention the cookie table?

Yes, yes.  Much with the evil carbohydrate consumption.

We’ve always had children’s activities as part of the social, but this year the neighborhood kicked it up a notch.  Yes, that’s a bouncy house.  Yes, Jeffrey spent 99% of his time there.

I’m not even sure he ate any ice cream.

Epossumondas

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My mother-in-law’s birthday is today, and she loves receiving a grandchild-produced home movie as a present.  Last year we made Sleeping Beauty — a stunner of backyard theatrics if ever there was one — but this year we decided on simpler fare.

Eleanor and William chose Coleen Salley’s adaptation of Epossumondas, a “noodlehead” tale.

I’m impressed by their performances.  Ellie’s animal voices are for the win.  And yeah, I held Katie in one arm while filming.  If you notice jiggly camerawork, that’s Katie grabbing my hand.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, yes that is real butter melted on Wimmy’s head.  He had a bath directly afterwards.

More Brocade Than You Can Possibly Imagine

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Today my mother-in-law and I took Eleanor and baby Katie to the Princess Festival down at Thanksgiving Point.

Lo, it doth rocked.  I mean, how can you not love this picture of Ellie with Prince Tamino from The Magic Flute (which was performed as a rather nice stage play, not an opera)?

I’ve been describing the festival as “like Disneyland, only without the rides.”  That is, it’s just about meeting the fairytale characters.  The wicked stepmother was especially cute, hamming it up grandly for the Cinderella show:

Alice and the Mad Hatter had a tea party in the hedge maze.  I’m guessing that the actor potraying the Hatter hadn’t read the books, because all he said was “How is a raven like a writing desk?” over and over and over again. I wish the actress playing Alice had responded with her lines from the book: “I think you might do something better with the time than wasting it in asking riddles that have no answers.” (Want a real answer to the riddle?  Click here.)

The other half of the maze held Beauty and the Beast.  Eleanor gasped when she saw them: “Mom, he really is a beast!”  Note the silk roses tucked into the hedge.  Nice, eh?

I also appreciated that the references to the original fairy tales.  Hence, we saw Aladdin with Scheherezade, although . . . that’s kind of meta when you think abou it.

And how great is it to sit on a pile of mattresses with the Princess and the Pea?  Eleanor was asked if she felt a pea, and the response was “Huh?”  I guess we haven’t read that story lately!

The festival also included the Frog Prince (a toy frog voiced by an actor hiding somewhere behind the scenes with a microphone) and the Twelve Dancing Princesses (who performed in an underground grotto which did not photograph well), Snow White, Rapunzel, The Little Mermaid, Sleeping Beauty, and many more.  I, however, was rather partial to the pumpkin coach.  It’s a sweet, sweet ride.  Especially if you can bake it into a pie afterwards.

But perhaps Katie had the best idea for enjoying the festival.  Ain’t she sweet?

 

On Safari

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We went to Yellowstone last week.  Brian and I have decided that this is the American version of going on safari.  Really, how is this experience all that different from doing the same in Africa?  Besides the lack of a guide, and the fact that all the roads are paved?  We were even able to open the sunroof on our minivan and stick our heads out with binoculars to examine the animals!

And don’t try to tell me it isn’t as exotic.  For instance, we saw this one herd of bison:

And then this coyote totally came out of nowhere and started chasing them around!

(Yeah, the coyote’s there.  It’s that little white speck in the middle of the picture.)

The showdown between the bison and the coyote was about to get intense, when guess who showed up?

THE AVENGING BEAR OF THE BLACKTAIL PLATEAU!!

DUN DUN DUUUUUN!

I would have driven off with the kids right then and there, but the road was blocked:

The fox, a neutral party, wanted us to stick around as witnesses.  As much as I would have loved to stick around for some bear-on-bison-on-coyote action, I knew I couldn’t expose my kids to such horrors.  They’re so sensitive!  I mean, just look how traumatized they were by this hot spring:

(Note how William is sulking.  Alas, there is absolutely no way to make a hot spring interesting to a three year old.  “Draw near, my son!  Now’s our chance to see water boiling!“)

Poor little dears!  Thank goodness a geyser went off right then and scared all the savage beasts off.

BUT . . . right as the super-rare, once-in-a-lifetime* geyser shot into the air, A WHOLE PACK OF WOLVES came running out of the forest, and the moon came down all big and full in the background, and the WHOLE PACK began to howl, and I took about 1,000,000 photos of the whole thing and sold them to this t-shirt company, and they’re going to sell the shirts at truck stops all over the place!

And we’ll be rich!  Rich as MILLIONAIRES!  MWA HA HAAAA!

Of course, I can’t show you the wolf picture.  That would by copyright infringement . . . on myself.  Yeah.

*or at least every hour and a half, +/- ten minutes

Finished Up

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What’s cuter than a kindergartener in a graduation cap?  Well, I’ll show you:

SEVENTY kindergarteners in graduation caps . . . making FIST PUMPS!*

This was all part of the graduation ceremony/singing presentation given by the entire kindergarten class at the end of the school year.  And it was only 40 minutes long!  And that included time spent at the cookie table afterwards!

I only mention this because Jeffrey’s kindergarten singing program was TWO AND A HALF HOURS LONG. I love hearing little kids sing, but that was a little excessive.

Speaking of Jeff . . .

The second grade finished the year with a program about Africa.  Sweeping cultural generalizations aside, I found it pretty cute.  It was basically the same thing as the kindergarten program, only with more songs about world peace.

Each of the kids made these really cool animal masks as part of the study unit.  Jeff made the lion mask there.  Nice, eh?

*Oh, the fist pumps were part of a song called “America Rocks!”  While I’ve nothing against synthesizer-heavy patriotic power anthems from the 80s, I still can’t understand why the kindergarten kids can’t learn a patriotic song like “My Country, ‘Tis of Thee,” or “America the Beautiful,” or something else they’ll be expected to know the words to later on in life.  But then, again — “America the Beautiful” has little potential for cute hand motions.  No fist pumps there, bro.

More Gross Anatomy

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William is very much in love with his little sister.  Last week, after the big siblings had gone off to school, William came and nestled up to where I was sitting with Katie.

“No Jeffrey, no Eleanor,” William whispered.  “I get Katie all to myself.”

However, just recently William has been appalled to discover that Katie is different from him in a fundamental way.  In a basic, anatomical way.

“Wait a minute, wait a minute,” he cried, hands on hips, as he examined Katie’s diaper changing.  “Where is it?  Is it tucked away up there?”

I found this both hilarious and odd, since William went through a long — perhaps over-long — phase of making lists of who in the family did and did not have a certain piece of male-ness.

He liked to declare this list loudly.  Especially whenever we were in a public restroom.

I explained to William that Katie is a girl, and in reply he crinkled his little brow.  “Katie is a girl?”

Yup.

“She can’t be a girl.  She has short hair like a boy!”

Oh, the quandary.  This isn’t the first time I’ve had to explain Katie’s sex, and I’m certain it won’t be the last.  Hooray for gender socialization!