Not-So-Urban Legends

Sometimes the things Jeffrey says requires a bit of digging to understand.

JEFF: “I need a notebook that flips around!  So I can keep track of the birds!”  STATUS: True.  Turns out he had a field trip to a bird refuge.

JEFF: “We need to collect our recycling so I can write an opera!”  STATUS: True.  The third grade is, indeed, writing an opera about recycling.

JEFF: “I need to go on a garbage hunt.  In the roundabout.”  STATUS: Unconfirmed.  Perhaps this is a Cub Scout project that we are unaware of?

JEFF: “I’m going to need glasses.  Camo glasses.”  STATUS: False.  Jeff does not need glasses.  I’m not even sure that camo-print frames exist.

JEFF [at 5:45 this morning]: “I need to go on a night garbage hunt! In the roundabout!”  STATUS: False.  Also, whaaat??

Preschool v. Cousins

For your consideration: William on his first day of preschool!

He’s wearing an outfit that his grandmother gave him for his birthday.  Little did I know that morning that William had decided that he didn’t like this outfit, and snipped the edges of the shorts and the sleeves of the shirt with scissors.  I didn’t notice the raggedy, ruffly hems until after lunch that day.

Yes, yes, the time-out was massive.  But anyway: Preschool!  Which William loves with a passion.  This week he would prefer preschool over trips to Disneyland, I think.

In fact, he said that he wanted preschool more than a playdate at McDonald’s with his cousins — a shock indeed.  William doesn’t get to see his cousins Sarah and Abby very often since they live in Pittsburgh.  Wednesday was their last day here, so not only did we have a playdate for lunch (sorry, preschool!) but we also went up to my parents’ house that evening for an impromptu birthday/goodbye party for my sister.

Much goofiness ensued.  I made an attempt to document the action, but it was difficult.  These were taken in between bouts of jumping up and down on the guest bed upstairs:

Meanwhile, June decided to show Katie how to properly chew on a pillow:

And Jeffrey fulfilled his heart’s desire: playing Minecraft with Uncle Alex.  (Ohhhhhh, Minecraft.  Were you specifically created for Jeff to obsess over you, talk about you nonstop and do whatever amount of homework and chores is necessary to obtain permission to play you?  Because if so, mission accomplished.)

Alex made this face on purpose.  He deserves what he gets, Internet-wise.  Meanwhile, look at the worshipful gaze on Jeffrey’s face.

Insanity would have prevailed BUT for the good graces of my father:

This energy high, of course, is nothing compared to the half-naked ice cream-a-thon we had at the previous cousin meeting a week and a half earlier:

And the babies!  DON’T FORGET THE STINKIN’ CUTE BABIES!!!

My mother has a “fairy garden” in her backyard, peopled with little knicknacks she finds at thrift stores.  June and Abby were playing so sweetly with it:

And this is baby Emmaline.  What?  Have you not met?  She is cousin June’s baby sister, and in this picture she is just over 1 week old.  What a sweet baby Emmykins!

But Katie’s not about to let some other baby out-cute her:

A good time was had by all, as they say.  During my sister’s two-week visit, she crammed in three family dinners, two cousin playdates, and a trip to Yellowstone.  And that was just with our side of the family!  (Apparently there was a wedding on the other side.  Wow).

I already miss you lots, Lizzie!  Take care back in Pittsburgh.

History Face, PART DEUX

BY THE GHOST OF GRANT’S TOMB!

JEFFREY HAS ENLISTED IN THE UNION ARMY!

It was all part of “Voices of the Civil War” day at This is the Place Heritage Park.  Jeff was in hog heaven.  He got a gunny sack and a piece of hardtack . . .

. . . and then was examined by the army physician to make sure he had all his fingers and toes.  (This was an authentic recreation of a Civil War exam.  “You can shoot a gun and trudge?  Great!”)

(By the way, the hardtack was very chewy with a pleasantly nutty flavor.)

Then he filled out a form for his paystub.  This was taken very seriously:

He later exchanged the stub for candy coins at the bank.

Jeffrey was now official!  Which was a good idea, because trouble was brewing on the main street.  Some Union calvarymen were attacked by a ragtag group of Rebel infantry out on the main street.  Shots were fired, and the Southern troops either dropped down dead or ran away.

This was pretty much the opposite outcome of every single  other Civil War recreation battle I ever saw in Virginia and Georgia.  Down there, the Northern army is the one that runs away . . . usually into an abandoned barn . . . that then explodes into fireworks.   So goes the War of Northern Aggression.

As Jeff’s mother, I think my official job was to sob, throw myself melodramatically on the floor, and beg him not to go off and abandon his family to join the Army.    At least, that’s what I’ve learned from really bad stage plays and period engravings.

Jeffrey’s head was spinning by the end of the afternoon; he adored every minute.  In some ways, Jeff is a kid born in the wrong time.  After finishing all his recruitment-related activities, he saw a woman in period costume riding sidesaddle down the street.  When she stopped at a corner, Jeff stepped up and doffed his hat to her.

“Well, I am most glad to see that there are still a few fine gentlemen in this part of the world,” she replied.  Jeff’s history face was INTENSE.

Meanwhile, Eleanor spent almost all of her time doing PIONEER CHORES!  Washboards, HUZZAH!

Brian’s mother had come along with us on this busy afternoon, and she graciously offered to stay with William and Eleanor and watch them endlessly scrub rags and beat rugs.  She’s a saint.

The other skill Eleanor’s been picking up lately is photo posing.  She took it upon herself to arrange her brothers in front of this statue, and then asked me to take the picture.  Hilarious.

Camping at Tanner’s Flat

Know what?  I’m a wimp.  A camping wimp.  For me, camping means sleeping in a tent no more than 20 feet away from my car, sleeping on an air mattress, and munching on fresh fruit, cheese and veggies from a cooler.  What’s not to love?

Brian and I decided we would try to squeeze a camping trip in at the end of summer, and booked a night’s stay at the Tanner’s Flat campground up Little Cottonwood Canyon.

We really haven’t been tent camping with the kids in over a year, so it was almost a brand-new experience for them.  They loved goofing off in the tent and making as many trips as possible to the campground bathroom, which was just downhill from us.  (When making campsite reservations, I always go for the one nearest the bathroom.)

Eleanor was thrilled to spend time gathering kindling for the campfire.  She lead William on several expeditions, a la Little House in the Big Woods.  Adorable.

Jeffrey’s main occupation was throwing multiple marshmallows into the fire while shouting “TEMPLE OF DOOOOM!” and then watching them spontaneously combust.

I was really worried Katie would not sleep well, but she was great, and slept in quite a bit.  Jeffrey, on the other hand, woke up at 6:00 and proceeded to bounce on the air mattresses as much as possible.

Ugh.  We decided we might as well get up and go hiking.

The Albion Basin is at the top of Little Cottonwood, and is very, very popular for hiking, due mainly to the scads of wildflowers:

Go ahead, sing it to yourself: The hiiiiills are aliiiiiiive with the sound of muuuuusiiiiic . . .

It’s so busy that on most weekends you have to park at the bottom of the basin and take a lousy shuttle bus up to the trailhead.  But we were on the road early enough to bypass this inconvenience and park where we wanted!  Right at the trailhead for Cecret Lake:

Oooooo, purdy purdy.  Last year, we did this hike, and it was just as pretty, but we got rained on, then hailed on.  And then we saw some moose.  This time, we were nearly alone during the first part of the hike, and saw lots of hummingbirds in this meadow:

Downtime on the trail was spent waiting for Heidi to pop out from behind a boulder with a goat or something.

And . . . then we realized that our main activity for the day was over by 11:00 a.m.  So we went back to the campsite, ate lunch, built a fire, roasted yet more marshmallows (yes, more TEMPLE OF DOOOOOM!), and packed up for home.

Need I say that sitting in full sunshine in August next to a campfire is a dumb idea?  Naps were in due order that afternoon . . .

Pie Nap

My friend Angry Baker gave me her personal “Most Likely to Throw a Themed Party” award.  To accept the award, I must pose with my favorite homemade treat; to decline, I must take a nap.

I couldn’t decide:

I AM AWESOME

(The caption is also part of the rules.  Oh, and the nap lasted about .03 seconds, or however long it takes the shutter on my camera to open and close.)

The dessert is Crisp Coconut Chocolate Pie from Martha Stewart Living.  It’s very easy and that filling — whoa.  It’s essentially straight ganache.  To make it:

  • 11 oz. sweetened flaked coconut
  • 1/4 cup butter, softened
  • 8 oz. good-quality dark chocolate (I prefer 50% cacao) chopped
  • 1 1/4 cups heavy cream

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Take 1/3 of the coconut and the butter and grind it into a ball in a food processor.  Combine this with the rest of the coconut (use your fingers).  Press this into a pie pan, leaving the top edge fluffy.

Shield the edge of this “crust” with a strip of foil, then bake until center is browned.  (The recipe says this should take 10 minutes, but it took me more like 30 minutes.)  Remove the foil, then bake 10 or so minutes more until the edge of the crust is brown, too.

While the crust cools, make the truffle filling.  Put the chocolate in a bowl; bring cream just to a boil, then pour over the chocolate.  Let the mixture sit for 10 minutes, then stir it with a whisk until it is smooth and combined.  Pour filling into cooled crust, then refrigerate it for at least 1 hour before devouring.  (I like to let it warm on the counter for 20 minutes or so before eating it.)

It tastes like a gigantic Bounty bar, only much, much better.  Here’s a prettier picture of the results:

Oh!  I also just realized that I could have titled his post “Pie Napple.”  This is probably a sign that I need to go to bed.

Schultüten 2011

Look what I did!  I was actually able to complete a craft project!

These are Schultüten — German “school cones,” given to kids in honor of the first day of school.  I’ve made them before, but this year I was able to do it properly.  With no heed taken to how many bitsy pieces of paper I littered on the kitchen floor.  We even found school-themed scrapbook paper for these — Wimmy’s says “preschool,” Ella’s says “First grade,” and Jeff’s says “Third grade.”  This kind of stuff is usually out of my depth.

The children received them the night before school, as part of Family Home Evening.  Jeffrey and Eleanor had spent time that afternoon selling vegetables at the farmer’s market with other kids from their farm-based summer camp . . . okay, anyway that’s the long explanation as to why they are both wearing the tie-dye shirts they made at camp; and why I was so exhausted that evening.  We had Chinese food for dinner instead of cooking.  It was quite the celebration.

These were inside the schultüten.  Look what the internet inspired me to do — I LABELED something.

We also spent time choosing a scripture to be our inspiring educational theme of the year.  I looked up “knowledge” in the Topical Guide and read likely candidates out loud, and then everyone voted.

Jeffrey really wanted to use Daniel 12:4, which includes the phrase “run to and fro, and knowledge will be increased.”  He gave us a demonstration on how this is done.

But what we ended up with was Isaiah 33:6:

And wisdom and knowledge shall be the stability of thy times, and strength of salvation: the fear of the Lord is his treasure.

Brian and I like everything in this verse except that “fear of the Lord is his treasure” part, which we had a difficult time explaining to the kids.  (“Obeying God means being afraid of Him?  Something about treasure??”)

And here’s Jeff and Ella, all ready for 3rd and 1st grade, respectively:

They are so good at looking out for one another.

The whole family was able to come along for the first day.  Jeff has Ella’s old kindergarten teacher for third grade this year, and Ella has his old first grade teacher.  It was great to see so many familiar faces on the first day of school.

A Word from Sister Chieko

One of my favorite people, Chieko Okazaki, passed away last week.  I think I was 11 or 12 when she was in the general RS presidency, and used to get so excited when it was her turn to speak in LDS General Conferences — her talks were always interesting, always engaging.  I usually don’t like trite online tributes to people who didn’t really know me, but I came across a quotation from one of her talks (it’s from a BYU devotional, years ago) and it touched me so much that I wanted to share.  Sis. Okazaki was a person with a very strong personal relationship with Christ, and in this passage, she expounds on how women in particular can grow closer to Him:

“Well, my dear sisters, the gospel is the good news that can free us from guilt. We know that Jesus experienced the totality of mortal existence in Gethsemane. It’s our faith that he experienced everything- absolutely everything. Sometimes we don’t think through the implications of that belief. We talk in great generalities about the sins of all humankind, about the suffering of the entire human family. But we don’t experience pain in generalities. We experience it individually. That means he knows what it felt like when your mother died of cancer- how it was for your mother, how it still is for you. He knows what it felt like to lose the student body election. He knows that moment when the brakes locked and the car started to skid. He experienced the slave ship sailing from Ghana toward Virginia. He experienced the gas chambers at Dachau. He experienced Napalm in Vietnam. He knows about drug addiction and alcoholism.
Let me go further. There is nothing you have experienced as a woman that he does not also know and recognize. On a profound level, he understands the hunger to hold your baby that sustains you through pregnancy. He understands both the physical pain of giving birth and the immense joy. He knows about PMS and cramps and menopause. He understands about rape and infertility and abortion. His last recorded words to his disciples were, “And, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.” (Matthew 28:20) He understands your mother-pain when your five-year-old leaves for kindergarten, when a bully picks on your fifth-grader, when your daughter calls to say that the new baby has Down syndrome. He knows your mother-rage when a trusted babysitter sexually abuses your two-year-old, when someone gives your thirteen-year-old drugs, when someone seduces your seventeen-year-old. He knows the pain you live with when you come home to a quiet apartment where the only children are visitors, when you hear that your former husband and his new wife were sealed in the temple last week, when your fiftieth wedding anniversary rolls around and your husband has been dead for two years. He knows all that. He’s been there. He’s been lower than all that. He’s not waiting for us to be perfect. Perfect people don’t need a Savior. He came to save his people in their imperfections. He is the Lord of the living, and the living make mistakes. He’s not embarrassed by us, angry at us, or shocked. He wants us in our brokenness, in our unhappiness, in our guilt and our grief.”

Bad News

In short: it looks like we’re going to be moving away from Utah next summer.

For a long time, Brian’s advisor at ARUP has wanted to hire him as soon as his residency was over.  We thought this was great.  But when said advisor went to the higher-ups to move things forward, he learned that his department wasn’t going to get any more money.

Ditto for any of the other positions Brian might hold at ARUP.  Shame on us for thinking this was a sure thing, I suppose, but I’m pretty torn up about it.

All of our family is here in Utah, and I love, love our house and neighborhood.  The house has been in Brian’s family since it was built, and if we move, it’ll be sold off.

To say I’ve been upset has been an understatement.  I’ve been blubbering quite a bit, and so stressed out and worried that I broke out in a case of hives.

HIVES.  All over my FACE and ARMS.

Okay, that’s enough for now.  If I keep writing about this, I’ll start crying again.  And the skin on my cheeks has had enough abuse for one week.

Bardland

Once again, Jeffrey’s History Face is on full display:

Last week we hit the Utah Shakespeare Festival.  Brian’s parents were along for the ride, and generously entertained little ones while big kids and grownups went to see plays.

A Midsummer Night’s Dream went over well, even if we did have to change venues during intermission owing to a rainstorm.  I had prepped the kids with the picture-book version of the story, and Jeff even polished off the Magic Tree House chapter-book version.

Jeff kept guffawing — guffawing, I say! — during any kind of comic moment in the play, regardless of what other audience members were doing.  It was kind of charming.

Puck has now entered into Jeff’s regular fantasy play, although he keeps forgetting his name.

“Mom, what is the name of that guy who says “How now spirit, whither wander you?”

You can’t blame him for latching onto what, for an 8-year-old boy, is admittedly the most dynamic character.  And in the production we saw, Puck ran around in furry shorts, sans shirt.  Kind of the ideal job for most 8-year-olds I know.

Eleanor had a different experience.  She was interested in the play, but her body was too small to keep the fold-down seats in the theater from flipping up.  So she was rather wiggly during both Midsummer and The Music Man.

For the record, Jeffrey was kind of baffled by The Music Man.  “Who was the bad guy in that play?!?  I think it was the mayor, because he was always trying to stop the band.”

But what may have really captured the children’s imaginations was the gift shop.  Eleanor insisted on multiple portraits with silly hats:

Even Jeffrey got in on the action with this one.

Heavens to the Bard, but that boy is skinny.  You’ll notice, however, how his eyes are pointed elsewhere.  That’s because of all the items available for purchase at the festival gift shop, the #1 thing Jeffrey wanted was one of the for-display-only Ren Faire-ish metal swords hanging on a rack behind the sales counter.

Oh, the swords.  There were swords in Midsummer, although there was no fight scene, but it mattered not.  Jeffrey wanted to know all about how actors use swords.

It was his favorite question during the Backstage Tour, which we took the morning after Midsummer.

“Any questions?” asked our guide, who bore a striking resemblance to Orlando Bloom.

“Where do the actors make their swords?” cried Jeffrey.

The guide replied that the swords were purchased from a props house.  But ten minutes later . . .

“Any questions?”

“Where do the actors make their swords?”

I had to grab Jeff’s arm to shush him during the other Q&A sessions.  Instead, he whispered his question in my ear: “Wheeere do the actors make their swooooords?

Luckily, my mother-in-law made the generous offer to take Jeffrey to the props seminar later that week, during which Jeff could learn all about the swords, shields, helmets, et. al. to his heart’s content. She also bought him a book about stage combat, which Jeffrey now insists be part of his daily routine.

ME: Jeffrey, you can’t watch T.V.  You haven’t made your bed or finished your reading.

JEFF: And I haven’t practiced my stage combat, either!

He was upset when we left for home (“I didn’t get to say goodbye to the Globe Theater!” he cried) and is already asking if we can come back next year.  (We’ll see.  Next year’s plays are The Merry Wives of Windsor and Titus Andronicus.  Eeesh.)

Now that we’re back home, the children are in the habit of putting on “plays” of their own.  Brian and I were treated to an epic Western called “Eleanor the Sheriff,” which was accompanied by Jeffrey singing about whatever was happening “on stage.”

More recently, Jeff & Ella have said that they are going to put on a “love play” where “everybody dies at the end.”  I sweareth it true, I fain have read Romeo & Juliet to these bodkins.  Really.

One, Two, Three, Four

Since we moved to Utah, my children tend to have multiple birthday celebrations.  One on the official day of birth, one before or after with friends from school, and possibly another one or two at a grandparent’s house.  Oh, the spoilage.

Last year William had three parties.  This year, only two.

The first was during our vacation to Cedar City for the Shakespeare Festival (more on that later).  I made him this shirt to wear, just to keep the general public informed.

His grandparents took him bowling, and at dinnertime he even was serenaded at the Pizza Factory, and as a reward for enduring that travail, he was given an ice cream sundae.  (Ah, the Pizza Factory.  You gotta admire the restaurant that admits up-front that its food is not prepared by humans.)

The second party was for friends and relations, and held the day after we got back from vacation.  (Yes, right after.  It was painfully exhausting.  But it was the best time for all involved.  No regrets.)

It was . . . a COWBOY party!  Woop with the theme pulled from my Big Book of Party Themes!*

We made vests out of paper bags!  (Brian was the one who figured out how to turn the bags inside out without tearing them.  Because what kind of self-respecting cowboy runs around with “Freshness Guarantee” and a giant picture of a peach on his back?

We played “sidewinder jump!”

We lassoed a rocking horse!  And later ran around with squirt guns!

My main contribution was this horse cake.  William insisted on the Life Saver bridle bits.  Yes, the cake design is also from The Big Book of Theme-y Themes:

Why do I always take pictures of the candles being blown out?  It’s like William is frozen in time, forever spewing spittle all over a horse-shaped sugar confection.

The only real challenge now is trying to make William understand that he is just four, not five.

“But I had two birthdays, Mom,” he explained.  “One for turning four, and another means I’m five!”

I explained that this was not the case, but who can blame him for being confused?  We always stick on one extra birthday candle on the cake, “to grow on.”

“You’re just four, Wimmy.”

He nodded his head sagely, then immediately went back to being a “baby bison,” currently his favorite fantasy play.  Who needs to deal with numbers games when the open range awaits?

*That’s right, The Big Book of Parties For People Who Can’t Think of Any On Their Own.  People think I’m really creative, but the truth is that I’m just good at finding other people’s good ideas.  And then milking ’em for all they’re worth.