Not-So-Urban Legends

Sometimes the things Jeffrey says requires a bit of digging to understand.

JEFF: “I need a notebook that flips around!  So I can keep track of the birds!”  STATUS: True.  Turns out he had a field trip to a bird refuge.

JEFF: “We need to collect our recycling so I can write an opera!”  STATUS: True.  The third grade is, indeed, writing an opera about recycling.

JEFF: “I need to go on a garbage hunt.  In the roundabout.”  STATUS: Unconfirmed.  Perhaps this is a Cub Scout project that we are unaware of?

JEFF: “I’m going to need glasses.  Camo glasses.”  STATUS: False.  Jeff does not need glasses.  I’m not even sure that camo-print frames exist.

JEFF [at 5:45 this morning]: “I need to go on a night garbage hunt! In the roundabout!”  STATUS: False.  Also, whaaat??

My Man of La Mancha

This evening, Brian looked out the window and said, “I think Jeffrey is turning into Don Quixote.”  The reason?

Can’t blame me if that PVC pipe looks like a lance, right?  And for some reason Jeffrey seems very fitting as the knight errant Quixote.  Windmills beware!

Twinkle Lights & Vampires

There are days when I have said that I would give anything for a paper printout of whatever is going on in Jeffrey’s mind.  This past Tuesday was definitely one of those moments.

We had decided to go down to Temple Square and see the Christmas lights while the weather was still warm.  In the car the kids excitedly pointed out all the decorations we saw along the way.

ELEANOR: I see a reindeer!

WILLIAM: I see a snowman!


And Jeffrey continued to see vampires everywhere.

JEFF:  Look!  There’s another vampire, walking along that sidewalk.  Another one by that store!

JEFF:  Aaaah!  A vampire going into a house!

Eventually, our logical daughter could take no more.

ELLA: Jeffrey, I don’t think you can see vampires.  Vampires are not real.

WILLIAM (aka “Eleanor’s Shadow”): Yeah, vampwires are not weal!

JEFF:  Yes they are!

ELLA: No they aren’t!

JEFF: Yes they are!

ELLA: No they aren’t!

JEFFREY (beginning to lose his patience): Okay, FINE!  We’ll take a POLL!  [shouting] ARE VAMPIRES REAL?




ME: No.


ME: But . . . um, sometimes it’s fun to pretend that vampires are real.

JEFFREY (instantly happy again):  Oh, look!  There’s another vampire walking by that Christmas tree!

ELEANOR: [sighs in disgust]

ME: So, Jeffrey, why are you seeing so many vampires, anyway?

JEFFREY: Well, at Christmas time, there are lots of family reunions.  And when there are family reunions, then there are always lots of vampires around.

Well, of course! Because every extended family has at least one vampire, right?

This level of enigmatic Jeffrey-speak may conquer the current champion — the evening Jeffrey was reduced to tears because we wouldn’t let him have two plates at dinnertime, one for his main food and one for the side dish.  If it’s called a side dish, he insisted, then there should be two dishes side-by-side!  (There was no way I was setting a precedent for that.)

Just for the record, he forgot all about vampires by the time we got to Temple Square.  Instead, he wanted to know why none of the various nativity scenes around the square featured a big star.  No poll-taking was involved.

Gross Anatomy

lips.jpg“Mommy, does Baby William get milk from your lips?”

Eleanor was asking me this one afternoon as I held her on my hip in the kitchen.

“My lips?” was the only reply I could give.  What was she talking about?

“These, Mama,” she replied, patting my ample chest.  “Your lips.”


“And I have lips, too!” she said, raising her shirt to show me.

How — how — how did this mix-up happen?  That’s what I want to know.